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P. Monster

"There's a woman in the United States who predicted the plane we were traveling on would crash. Now, a lot of people would like to think we were scared into saying a prayer. What we actually did--we drank."

-Ringo Starr, 1966

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lyingmary:

imnotpooping75:

imnotpooping75:

where did noah keep his bees

IN THE ARK HIVES

Get the fuck away from me right now

(via flowerswrappedinbacon)

twinkleofafadingstar:

Me teaching US history: “ok first thing u gotta remember is that this country exists because a bunch of rich white dudes didn’t want to pay their taxes. The second thing u gotta remember is that rich white men still don’t want to pay their taxes which is pretty much the reason for literally everything ever.”

(via flowerswrappedinbacon)

petroliuus:

destructiondragon360:

lokiloo:

My Buddhist friend was stopped by a Christian fellowship and asked if she would consider following the word of Jesus Christ. She replied, “No, thanks, but maybe next time around.”

I don’t think they got the joke but I nearly died laughing.

wait what’s the joke

reincarnation

(via wanderlustgirl)